We spend most of our lives fighting against the natural flow of things. Something in our nature simply does not want to surrender our control. We often find ourselves opposing things without even realizing why. When we begin to understand why we resist, we can transform this tendency and improve our acceptance and happiness.
It All Comes Back to Fear
Whether we are resisting, delaying or avoiding, we must realize that they all stem from the same instinct. Which tactic we choose for a situation might be different based on our circumstance but they ultimately all tie back to FEAR.
Fear is one of our core primordial human instincts that drives many our emotional reactions and behaviors. Our minds automatically try to justify and rationalize our behavior, but we often will return to one of these three tactics:
- Resistance
- Delay
- Avoidance
Understanding fear is a whole topic in itself and it would be wise to invest in understanding how fear works and what we can do to reduce our reaction to it. Fear triggers a biological response, chemically, within our bodies. This comes from our “fight or flight” survival instinct that lives at the very core of our existence. Lets understand what triggers our fear and how we can avoid it.
Lets look at some common triggers to understand why we resist:
- Fear of the unknown
- Fear of change
- Fear of pain, suffering or survival
Resistance 101: Fear of the Unknown
Why do we struggle with things that are unknown to us?
We tend to feel very uncomfortable and avoid unknown situations. Our brains love attaching to known, previously experienced pattern. We tend to repeat our responses over and over, even if they are emotionally unhealthy. Patterns are familiar and are predictable. However, these patterns do not help us learn and grow, which is core to our life’s purpose.
We need to learn to accept and get used to unknowns, no matter what, when or where. When we learn accept unknowns, we improve our ability to letting go of fear.
Practice letting go. Letting go of trying to control our situations. The more we try to control things, the more suffering we cause ourselves. That lack of control, scares us. It triggers the fear that things will not be ok. This feeling is a lie coming from your mind. Do not believe these thoughts. Unless you are being chased by hungry lions. Then you should probably believe your thoughts.
Begin to practice a new attitude toward unknown situations. Look for these opportunities daily and embrace them intentionally. Keep a log when these unknown situations occur, so you can prove to your mind that you ended up ok and no harm came to you. Put on the attitude and mindset of adventure.
Trust that life is bringing you what it is supposed to and that it is positive and good.
Resistance 101: Fear of Change
Fear of change often triggers avoidance. There are 2 reasons why we naturally avoid change:
- something unknown
- registering a new pattern
Remember, our brains are constantly evaluating our situation. Even when we are sleeping, decisions are being made without our awareness. Our brains send signals from the sensors throughout our bodies. This is simply the way our system works.
If something is unknown (a change in patterns we are familiar with), it triggers a red flag on the situation. Warning us, that we don’t know the outcome of what we are experiencing. Depending on our past experiences, it might trigger the feeling that we might experience suffering. This, in turn starts us down a reaction of avoidance or holding back (self limiting).
The other part of our resistance to change has to do with our energy. Energy plays such a key role in our natural behaviors. This is why it is important not to judge and label it as simply “spiritual stuff”. Science has proven we are beings of energy and our systems are setup to conserve and protect that precious resource.
If we experience something new, our brains have to expend much greater amounts of energy to track and register the situation. Since we are creatures of habit and familiar patterns, our brains prefer to quickly match patterns it has experienced before. Our brains will even match incorrectly if the pattern is close enough. It does this to conserve energy. Sadly, this process can influence our perceptions.
So you can think of this situation as your brain is not behaving. Like a child that needs correction. Sometimes we have to encourage and persuade ourselves. Self talk is great for this. Instead of listening to the thoughts, we need to tell ourselves its ok and that everything will be fine.
Mindfulness and mindful breathing are a great way to quiet the unwanted thoughts or the resistance we feel.
Resistance 101: Fear of Pain
The third element of our resistance is our “fear of pain and suffering”. Our fear of emotional pain can be greater than our fear of physical pain (although they are closely related). We do not want to open past wounds that we have suppressed deep within us.
Society teaches us to be strong and shove all of that messy stuff deep inside. We often put on an outer self that does not reflect our inner feelings. We do need to be strong, but strong in facing our feelings. This doesn’t mean to confront and fight them. It means to gently care for them, tenderly. Those feelings are part of you. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself.
Social media is a great example. We present ourselves outwardly in pictures and videos differently than how we really feel. This can start some serious self dysfunction and avoidance habits within our core and psyche.
Freedom From Fear: The Present Moment
We really want happy thoughts and happiness in our lives, but we aren’t willing to do the work to get there. Positive thinking will not get us there long term. Like most things in life, it is only temporary and can lead to denial of things we really need to see.
Pushing and forcing our attitude and mindset will not work. That technique might work short-term, but will be hard to sustain and consume greater amounts of energy. Remember, your mind will always try to seek the path of least resistance (least energy) even if it is wrong or unhealthy.
We need to work on anchoring ourselves in the present moment. So that calmness of mind and happiness is there (even without positive thinking). This happiness comes through the acceptance of “what is”.
Mindful breathing quickly brings the mind and the body together to the present moment. The only true place that life exists. We can learn to reduce our natural fears though building new patterns and habits.
We will have to work at unlearning some of the bad habits we have picked up along the way. This is part of the process. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Don’t Delay
Begin each day with a morning ritual of new found openness.
Pledge for the day that you will not resist or avoid things. That you will not judge unknowns as something bad or threatening. Intentionally seek out unknowns or different situations throughout the day as a practice of adventure.
Gently persuade your mind to accept and not to fear. Build a daily habit of an adventure mindset. Prove to yourself that life is guiding and protecting you and that everything is working out the way it is supposed to.
Learn to let go and trust life, so that worry and fear will diminish in your life.
Wishing you peace and love,
Until next time…
—
Greg
