Fear, certainly should be near the top of the list for “should have had a class on this topic as a child”. Fear is one of the strongest emotions we experience in life and is the underlying driver of many of our decisions and behaviors. All of this impact and yet we invest very little time into understanding how fear really works and how we can handle it better.
Fear’s overall purpose is simpler than you think… to ensure our survival. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take much to trigger this deep, human instinct and reflex. An instinct that we do not have much control over.
Fear unconsciously and automatically impacts many of our daily decisions. We modify many of our behaviors without even realizing the source… fear based thinking. Like other tricks of our mind, fear subtly influences the way we think, feel and act. However, you can learn the 8 steps to live a life that is free of fear.
So where does our fear come from?
The Original Source of Fear
To trace the original source of fear we must go back to the time in our mothers womb. At the very beginning of our existence we had everything supplied to us from our connection with our mother. Our first thoughts and feelings came from within the womb at a time of connection and the miracle of life. And then it happened….
We were born into the world, with bright shining lights and loud noises, not knowing what was going on. At that exact point, 2 things happened that triggered our first feelings of fear:
- We had to take our first breath (on our own)
- The umbilical cord was cut and we were truly separated from our mother (our life source and nourishment)
This is what is called the “original fear”. These first sensations caused our survival instincts to kick-in automatically. The intense feeling of separation and the labor required to breathe made us fear for our survival. At this point we had our first emotional reaction – we began to cry (purely instinctively).
From this point, we learn that our feelings trigger a reaction (in this case crying). Then our crying, quickly initiates a response from our mother to come close to sooth and calm us. Reinforcing a pattern of
feeling > reaction > external response.
Even at this early point, we learn a bad attention-getting pattern that could cause us issues later in life. Did our parents came running every time we tested them with our crying reaction? You can see how important parenting is and how it could impact our behaviors for the rest of our life.
Human Instincts
At the deepest layer of our physical being we contain simple animal instincts imprinted into every cell of our bodies. At the top, the 2 primary instincts are:
- Survival
- Reproduction
Fear at the most basic level is tied to the survival instinct. Its purpose is to keep us alive and to warn us of potential danger. However, the dangers that exist now are quite different from what our ancestors faced thousands of years ago. Our fears trigger survival alarms across a number of unwarranted situations.
The problem with our modern day living is that our fears are triggered under simple emotional stress and non-life threatening situations. When the stress event is triggered it causes an instantaneous response in our bodies. The event creates a mental fog and lack of clarity in our thinking. This fog is caused by an overriding directive to prioritize our “flight or flight” response for survival.
IMPORTANT: fears falsely trigger negative emotions even when there is no risk to our survival
Biochemical Reaction (Physical)
The Fight or Flight Response evolved as a survival mechanism which empowered humans to respond quickly to life threatening situations. During a life threatening situation, hormonal and physiological changes take place providing the immediate energy needed to fight off the threat or to flee and escape the situation. This automatic response process stemming from a simple fear.
There is a significant physical element to our fears. The connection our fear has with our feelings and emotions can be very strong. When our survival instinct is triggered, the command center of our brain takes over and a number of changes happen without our awareness.
There is a fascinating article by Harvard Medical School that outlines the whole Stress Response Process from beginning to end.
Fear’s Connection to our Mind
As with most situations that involve our perception, our understanding and our emotional habits play a big part in our ability to see truth.
Our minds are addicted to stories and to the lies of our ego. Our minds will take a simple fear response and amplify our perception of the situation completely out of proportion. When this happens, the mind is actually feeding the fear and making it grow automatically.
Our awareness, thinking and feeling at this point cannot be trusted. We are no longer calm and clear. This can begin a viscous cycle:
fear > feeding > amplify
that is not grounded in the present moment (“what is”).
Without good self awareness and daily, mindful practices to calm the monkey mind, our fears and fear reactions will strengthen and grow. What is a simply survival reflex can become crippling. Causing us to make fear-based decisions to avoid hurt, pain or other emotional responses that in reality do not actually threaten us.
Fears from Our Past
One of the most common, wrongly fed fears are the fears from our past. This is typically an event that had an undesired outcome that caused us pain or something that was traumatic to us. Learn not to feed fears from your past.
When we hold onto fears, we are keeping them alive and sacrificing our precious present moment for something that does not exist any longer. Re-anchor yourself in the present moment as soon as you catch yourself doing this.
That past event has no real threat or power over you. Simply observe the feelings you have without reaction to or feeding them.
Do not feed fear or dwell on past events. They are past and do not exist in the “what is” of the present moment. Think of your past like a movie. You watched it and now it no longer exists.
In most cases we learn from our past experiences and do not want to repeat the same situation. Observe what is happening mindfully, without reaction. Ask yourself what are you supposed to be learning from this?
Is your mind tricking you into repeating feelings of suffering?
Take the time to learn about letting go.
Fear of Change and of the Unknown
Our brains operate based on known patterns and repetition. We naturally do not like or accept something different (change). Many people will choose to remain in unpleasant or unhealthy situations rather than dealing with change. This is caused by a fear of unknown.
Living in fear is a type of mental prison. When we free ourselves of fear-based thinking, opportunity is available to us everywhere. When we stay confined in our mental prisons, we lock ourselves into self-inflicted, repeated suffering.
Some of our fears and patterns are not from our past experiences. Many of our fears are handed down from our ancestors. For example, the fear of being photographed by some native tribes feel that the camera can steal their soul. This has been handed down for many generations. The newer generations still feel the fear of this practice after hundreds of years.
Try to accept that life is about learning, growth and change. As you begin to accept this and reduce your resistance to this, you will find that change is a natural part of life and your happiness will increase.
Get comfortable, getting out of your comfort zone. That is where we should focus our repetition. Your life will change exponentially when you practice this.
Learning How to Handle Fear
Fear is not some scary monster that you need to hide from. Fear is strong because we react to it and feed it. If we are living with awareness and are becoming awakened, we can easily care for our fears so they do not cloud or judgement or negatively impact our choices and behaviors.
The following 8 practices will help you calm the storm of fear in your mind. Take the time to build new, healthy habits to care for your life.
1 – Observe Not React
Work on simply observing when you begin to feel fear. If you have to jump out of the way of a moving car, your brain will handle that automatically, so do not worry about a true, survival situation. Its the other, more emotional or fearful times that you need to practice observing. Maintaining our presence in the moment.
2 – Care for Our Fear (or other strong emotions)
Learn to care for your fear as you would a little child. Care for and talk to your fear. Say “Hello fear. I see you. Its ok. We are going to be alright. There is no reason to get upset. I will take good care of you”.
This sounds a little strange at first but is quite powerful when you begin to understand how the seeds of the mind work. Many of the strong emotions we feel are caused by unresolved situations from our childhood or past traumatic events. Don’t feed and reinforce the bad seeds.
When we begin the healthy habit of caring for our feelings and emotions, they begin to weaken. Each time we practice this, they weaken more. With practice we begin to no longer react to our triggers as before. This gives us the opportunity to “look deeply” at our strong emotions/thoughts/feelings and learn their source so we may transform them.
3 – Come Back to the Present Moment
Our life exists only in the “what is” of the present moment. When we become emotional or fearful we forget this and begin to create stories in our mind. We must return ourselves to the present moment and simply observe our breath. This practice will help calm our mind and will reduce our fear.
4 – Mindful Breathing
This is the core practice to return our mind to our body in the present moment. Follow your breath in and out. Focus your mind on your breathing, on the rising and falling of your stomach. Think of nothing but following your breath.
This practice brings us back to the power of now and reduces our physiological response to fear.
To learn how to breath mindfully.
5 – Enjoy the Healing Power of Nature
We are all connected to the life energy around us. Go out into nature and benefit from the power and healing of your surroundings. You don’t have to be deep in the woods to enjoy the healing of nature. The blue sky, the warmth of the sun, the stars, the moon, the ocean are all available to us. The simplicity of the birds in the air will bring peace and healing to our mind and body.
Combine several of these practices and enjoy the healing and benefit of relaxation. Practice returning to the present moment, while mindfully breathing, while out in nature and observe how quickly your fear will dissipate. What an amazing gift we have available! Teach this to your children.
6 – Letting Go and Trusting Life
Put on the mindset of living your life without fear. It can take some practice to remove habit patterns of fear-based thinking. Stick with healthy nourishment. Know that life is here for you. It sits here quietly with understanding and compassion for you and what you are feeling.
Learn to let go of your attempt to control your circumstances. Practice relaxation and nourishing your mind with healthy practices. The more you let go, the more you realize you can trust life and things will work themselves out. The more we interfere and try to control outcomes in our cloudy state of mind, the more drama we will create for ourselves.
7 – Get Support From Others
We all need help and support from others. Its simply the way life is setup. To help us heal, we all need the connection and energy of others. We are stronger together. We cant see things in ourselves sometimes and need an other’s guidance and perspective.
Dont fight or resist asking for help. Stubbornness can keep us in an unhealthy pattern for too long. Get coaching, help from a friend or family member, the support of nature.
8 – Daily Practice
Like with all things, in order to get good at something we simply require practice. If we practice healthy patterns daily, we learn that most of the suffering we experience is caused from our own unhealthy habits.
Identify habits you want to change, write them down and begin to practice new habits daily to improve and transform your life.
Build the life you want by learning about how things really work. Let go of broken expectations that cannot connect you with the life you want. Be open to learning about yourself and your connection with life.
Wishing you peace and love,
Until next time…
—
Greg
