In this article we are going to explain the tricks that our minds use against us and why. This is Part 3 of the “Understanding Our Mind” series. We learned in Part 1 – how the mind works and what consciousness is. In Part 2 – we dug into the different parts of the mind, mental nourishment and the issues with the monkey mind.
Why Does Our Mind Fight and Resist Us?
The untrained mind will commonly oppose and torment us causing us great suffering. We were never really taught what our mind is and how it works. Once we have understanding, we can use a few simple tools to calm our mind and return our focus to the stability of the present moment. This reduces our suffering greatly.
Human beings have built-in primordial instincts that are there to protect us and ensure our survival. One of these core animal instincts is called “Fight or Flight” response. Fight or flight was critical when we lived in the open with lions and tigers running around trying to devour us.
But now, in a modern civilized society, we have much less need for this survival instinct. However, this survival reflex can kick in when interacting with others causing us behavioral challenges. This is especially true when strong emotions and feelings are triggered.
We Were Never Taught
Sadly, we were never taught how our mind works. We should have at least learned the basics as a child. But this critical information is not prioritized in our modern culture. Learning how things work when we were young would save us a lot of suffering as an adult.
What is ironic, is that later in life when we suffer, we pay someone who has understanding to explain it all to us and guide us on what we need to do.
Creatures of Habit
We are truly creatures of habit. Science has proven that when events happen to us, our brains quickly make judgements and deductions in an attempt to match previous patterns in the database of our mind. Within milliseconds, before we even realize it, we will match a previous event even if it causes us suffering or pain.
These repeated patterns are due to our neural pathways being pre-wired from our previous experiences and thinking patterns. This is also why a psychologist or therapist always asks about your childhood.
Why do we not easily accept new patterns?
It takes considerable energy to re-wire and change a previously defined pattern, whether it is unhealthy or not. Our energy is a precious commodity to our life force and like many other things in our life, taken for granted.
There is Hope – Coming to Realizations
The Answer? We can be open to learning or I should say, re-learning to gain a better understanding of how things really work. This will help us actually see our unhealthy patterns. Once we can see these patterns, we can work on modifying and transforming ourselves.
From the time we were children, we have built numerous mental defense mechanisms to protect our existing belief system. This makes it very difficult to see what is going on around us (without pre-wired judgements). Think of it like a veil or smokescreen that is difficult to see through.
When we begin to lower our defenses and are open to new understanding, we can begin to observe our true habits. Once we can see, we can work on building new habits for our thoughts, words and actions. When we practice these new patterns, we will:
- be more successful
- be much happier
- will experience much less suffering in our life
The Tricks of The Mind:
In the following sections, we will go over common tricks our minds play on us. I will provide an explanation and examples for each. You will then begin to recognize when these tricks are being played on you.
It is a choice to believe the lies from our mind. You do not have to believe your thoughts and feelings. In most cases, they are simply pre-wired noise from your mind. This is why it is important to learn how to quiet your mind with mindful breathing and other practices that keep you present, in the moment.
The common tricks our minds play on us:
- Flat out lies to us (makes up stories)
- Feeds our doubt, worry and fears
- Reminds us of past experiences
- Defends our current belief system
- Places blame and judgement
- Plays us as the Victim
- Causes selective memory (hides things from us)
- Tries to feed our ego
- Causes wrong perceptions
- Uses distraction & avoidance
- Keeps us in denial (if possible)
- Brings physical pain & pleasure
Flat Out Lies To Us
Our mind will, without hesitation… put thoughts in our head that are simply not true. This trick is often accompanied by one or more of the other tricks in the list. Especially in areas that we have frequently struggled with in the past (due to our pre-wired neural pathways).
Our minds are addicted to building fictitious stories. It does this analyze the possibilities of a situation, but also to defend our current position or belief. It wants to predict things to save us having to deal with something new or potentially unpleasant (to avoid having to confront ourselves).
Our minds love stories and we are the star and typically at the center of the story (thanks to our ego). Do not believe these stories. When this happens, simply come back to observing in the present moment with no assumptions or judgement.
Recognize that your mind is lying to you and gently care for the emotions it stirs up. If you look deeply, you might find that the source of the story has nothing to do with your current situation.
Do not fight or resist your feelings. Make friends with them, even if they are unpleasant. These things are part of you and are part of your journey. Start by just recognizing and observing them with mindful breathing.
Doubt, Worry and Fear
Doubt, worry and fear are at the base of almost all of the reasons we hold back or cannot let go. We doubt ourselves and our outcomes. We worry about so many things in modern culture.
- Will we have enough money?
- What will people think about us
- How is our relationship going
- Are we are going to get sick
- Will our kids be alright?
The list goes on and on. Fear sits at the base of almost all of our primordial instincts. It is a very powerful emotion (at an energy level) and can be crippling to our hope, belief and our actions.
We need to see doubt, worry and fear for what they really are – tricks of our mind! They have no power over us other than the power we give them. They do nothing positive for us and are the tools that work against our freedom and happiness in the present moment. Be mindful of all three and do not nourish these seeds.
Instead practice healthy mental nourishment and stay anchored in the gift of the here and now. Do not let unhealthy thinking rob you of your precious life moments.
Past Experiences
The mind will often use our past to scare us into inaction or will hold us in a pattern of perpetual suffering through “thought cycling” possibilities. It doesn’t do this maliciously, it does it due to its natural processes of analyzing our situations.
It is important to understand that the past is no longer real, it is gone. Like an old movie. You’ve watched it and now it is over. The mind can trick you into wasting your precious present moment dwelling on your past (or how things were in your past). But do not allow your mind to do this. Refocus your attention into the present.
Life exists only in the here and now. Life does not exist in the past or the future. Anchor yourself in the present and let go of your attachment to past experiences. Try to recognize where you spend most of your time and where you focus your conscious awareness and thinking. Your current thinking could be a trick the mind is using to simply take the easy path.
Practice detaching from your past until you have mastered it. Learn to let go of things including possessions and attachment. These things will lock us into to obligation and cause us unhappiness. These things will even consume our energy even when we aren’t actively thinking about them.
The more complexity and craving we have in our life, the harder it is to simply be happy with “what is”. Remember that cravings can never be satisfied. Embrace the impermanence of all things.
Defending our Current Belief System
Most of us were not raised by monks, so unfortunately our belief systems were given to us and likely broken (a little or a lot). We inherited many of our beliefs from our mothers, fathers, our family and our ancestors. When we were growing up, we learned things from our friends, schools, churches and childhood influences. We did not question what we were learning, we accepted much of it as truth.
The culture that we were raised made us who we are. Most children absorb things like a sponge. The beginning years of our life, our consciousness is wired to learn and absorb more than judge. Look at a baby’s face. They are often looking around observing things in utter amazement and fascination.
Our minds will defend our belief system to death if need be. Look at the religious wars that have been going on for centuries. These very strong beliefs form the basis of our sense of reality, our stability. We do not like our sense of reality to be challenged – even if we know we are wrong. The mind has very strong defenses when it comes to our sense of reality, many of which you will like defend without even realizing or knowing why.
To defend against this trick:
- stay mindful in the present moment
- observing instead of reacting
- Try not to judge or feel attacked (both are defenses)
- Attempt to see things from other’s perspectives
- Be more understanding and compassionate
- Listen without commenting
These practices will help you on the path to deeper love. Learn to live under the principal “Do No Harm“. Life will reward you.
Blame and Judgement
Blame and judgement are used to keep focus away from ourselves. If we frequently externalize and find fault elsewhere, recognize that your mind is using this trick to try to keep you safe and to protect you. However, more than likely, it is helping you avoid having to deal with some painful experiences, buried deep within yourself.
There is a great saying that “you cant change someone else, you can only change yourself”. Be aware when your mind jumps to blaming others. Try to quickly refocus your thoughts into the question of what could YOU do differently?
Maybe there is another path that gets you to your goal without any sense of blame or judgement. Ego makes us fear what others think about us. Make your situation neutral. You don’t need to be part of the story. So you really don’t need to blame or judge at all.
Judgement is a cousin of blame. It places ourselves or our viewpoint in a superior position to someone else. Recognize this trick of the mind and return to observing without judgement – having understanding and compassion for all people involved. Everyone is exactly where they need to be in their own journey.
Be humble to life’s process and simply practice observing without reacting or commenting. Both of these can be difficult.
The Victim
The Victim is a way the mind seeks empathy or attention from others. The victim feeling is an element of our Ego – a focus on our neglected sense of self. The mind will use this trick when we feel like we are not being heard or understood.
This feeling may have first occurred when we were a child and felt ignored by someone we really loved.
Deep insights will come through the practice of meditation and can help us identify the root causes of this suffering. Many times our suffering has nothing to do with our current situation. We use our current situation as blame for our unhappiness.
We all make choices in life and have the opportunity to recognize when our mind is using our victim story. When you are seeking empathy from others, return to observing without seeking someone to listen to our story. The mirror of life is very powerful. Our words and feelings about ourselves have great power in locking in patterns (good or bad).
Realize that you already have all that you need and that your mind is playing a trick on you. Make friends with all of your thoughts and feelings. Care for them as you would a young child. Sooth them and talk to them when they are unpleasant. Your attitude and mindset puts in motion what you will receive back.
Selective Memory
Our mind is addicted to the stories we like to tell ourselves to support our broken beliefs. Our memories become closely tied to this fictional story behavior. Many of our memories are approximations of events that happen to us and are not entirely accurate. As time passes and new events clutter our memory banks, we manipulate the event to store what we want to believe and not what actually happened.
Our brains are constantly making judgements and apply pattern matching in fractions of a second. This data doesn’t need to be accurate – only interpreted, matched and then stored. If you add in the defense mechanisms we possess, you will quickly see that we only store and remember what we want to remember. Our perceptions are skewed by our story and self-perception.
We might store an associated feeling that was triggered or an emotion, but not the actual event itself, and how it really happened. We can’t see it from a neutral, 3rd person point of view. That would possibly expose us or force us to confront ourselves. That would likely cause us pain, and expend more energy, so our mind avoids it. Like stepping over a puddle of water on the ground, we don’t want to step into it.
Our brains always attempt to take the “easy path” if possible. Its pattern matching system will always attempt to conserve energy, if possible. We are likely already low on energy from our busy life. So we are even more prone to practice avoidance and distraction.
Just remember that it is simply how your mind operates. Your mind will play memory tricks on you, and that it’s ok. It doesn’t have to be scary or challenge your sense of reality. Simply observe them, find it interesting and move on. Stay present in the “what is” of the moment. Life exists in the here and now of the present. Not in the fuzzy, selective memories from your past.
Feeding Ego
There are entire books written on understanding and navigating our ego. To put it simply – anything that defends or focuses on our sense of self is ego and could be our mind playing tricks on us. Our mind builds stories to protect our sense of self and individuality.
As we become more connected with life and gain deeper insight and understanding, we naturally become more selfless. It becomes easier to see our ego feeding us thoughts and stories.
Recognize the tricks of our ego:
- Our feelings get hurt
- We feel left out
- We become jealous or envious of others
- We feel like we deserve credit
- We become competitive
As with the other tricks of the mind, try to just catch these feelings as they come up. Try not to feed and nourish these seeds. Gently care for the feelings or emotions that come to the surface.
You can practice mindful breathing and meditation to gain insight into why you are feeling this way. The source will be revealed and the feelings can be transformed. Be patient and compassionate with yourself.
Wrong Perceptions
Wrong perceptions are a major cause of our misunderstandings in life. This goes back to our brain’s automatic processing system. Our brains tend to jump to judgement and labeling very quickly (in fractions of a second). The pattern matching
- Interprets our current situation
- Checks our memories for similar past experiences
- Determines whether it is an emergency or threat
- Makes Assumptions
- Routes it to our belief system for behavior recommendations
All of these steps happen in a fraction of a second. This process could happen when you are dealing with something else. It could happen when we are having a bad day or not in a calm state of thinking. Do you see why we must learn to calm our mind and be present (observing vs reacting)? This takes work and practice that most people dont want to have to “deal with”.
The fact is that most of our perceptions are inaccurate. Much of our suffering comes from this pattern matching system inside of our heads. We must be very careful how confidently we stand on our beliefs and interpretations.
It is always best to ask others if our perception is correct. Communication is a key practice in avoiding wrong perceptions.
Distraction, Avoidance & Pleasure
We live in a society of nearly constant distraction and avoidance. Everywhere you look there are things to keep us busy and distracted. Avoiding what we really need to be focused on
- Calming our mind
- Being mindful of our thoughts, our words and our actions
Here is a small list of modern day distractions that support unhealthy avoidance:
- drinking alcohol
- cell phones/technology
- sports
- watching television
- video games
- doing recreational drugs
- over exercising or over activity
You might see some elements on this list and say there is nothing wrong with exercising or cell phones, and I agree if these things are used in healthy ways. However, most people use these things to an extreme and end up avoiding the items they really should be focused on, experiencing or valuing in their life.
As a rule of thumb, anything that causes a lack of mindfulness and mental focus, is a distraction to our personal growth and our happiness. Anything that keeps us from being present is not healthy, even in limited quantities.
These distractions, when repeated become habits or even lead to unhealthy addictions. Practice mindful breathing, connecting with life, walking in nature. These are much healthier mental nourishment.
Denial
Denial is the act of intentionally blocking ourselves from seeing the truth in a situation. We do this unconsciously. This is why it is listed as a trick of the mind. It is an ugly one, that borrows from a few of the tricks on the list:
- Selective Memory
- Flat Out Lies
- Defending our Belief System
- Avoidance and Fear
Denial can only be reduced from within ourselves. We must have a self realization or personal breakthrough to see through the lies.
When someone around us is in denial, it is not effective for us to try to force them to see our point of view. No one wants their sense of reality challenged. Try to help them come to their own conclusions through mindfulness, observation and awareness of their own patterns.
If we stay anchored in the present moment without doubt, worry and fear, we can avoid the bold lies our mind tries to feed us. The strength that someone has in themselves while in denial is commendable, but it is important to couple that belief with observation and awareness (presence).
Physical Pain
Our mind will also use physical sensations to try to get our attention. Think of it as a child having a temper tantrum. We may experience strange, unexplainable illnesses or other physical pains. Do not be alarmed.
Yes, certainly if something is life-threatening, you should go get it checked out. But if it comes back with no explanation, then likely your mind might be playing tricks on you or amplifying your sensations to attempt to get your attention.
Our bodies are an amazing electrical system of vast energy. When our system gets out of balance, that energy might cause strange sensations that our minds interpret as pain or something incorrectly. This immediately starts a chain reaction of other tricks to occur like fear or worry.
When physical pain happens, work to calm your mind. Gently care for your feelings, sensations and emotions. Recognize the pain as electrical impulses being interpreted. See the pain as an element of your mind. Practice mindful breathing. Your body and cells are built to heal themselves. Believe it and help it heal itself.
Calming The Storm In our Heads
With all of our consciousness, thinking, self-sabotage, instincts and pattern-matching, we have a lot going on in our heads. Its no wonder that people get so mentally exhausted when you add the busyness of modern living on top of all that.
But realize there is an answer. With a little understanding and a few easy tools we can bring all of this mental noise to a halt or at least way down. With a few basic practices, you can take unstable mental patterns that cause chaos and drama in your life and transform them into peace, happiness and joy.
Use these tools to calm the storm in your mind:
- Daily, self practices
- Mindful breathing
- Habit energy
- Observing vs reacting
- Caring for our feelings like a little baby
The more we practice mindful breathing and anchoring ourselves in the present moment, the more our habit energy will change and align our inner and outer worlds. When we practice observing vs reacting, we begin to see what we couldn’t see before in ourselves.
And finally, we should practice caring for our difficult emotions, instead of fighting them and resisting. These emotions are part of us and there is no benefit to resisting ourselves and what we are feeling. We need to be present and care for our emotions and feelings like we would a gentle, little baby. Soothing and calming them. Our life journey is about learning these things.
Wishing you peace and love,
Until next time…
—
Greg
