It has been scientifically proven that human beings will go to great lengths to avoid suffering. When we is suffer, it is a natural instinct to seek immediate relief from the pain. However, if we continue a pattern avoiding or distracting ourselves, we prolong our pain and will suffer longer.
Struggle and suffering are natural parts of the balance and contrast of life. We cannot have happiness without suffering, up without down, left without right.
The Practice of Avoiding and Distracting
In our modern society, there are so many distractions available. It has become a natural part of our culture to avoid unpleasant situations.
Here are just a few examples:
- Distracting ourselves with other things
- Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs
- Venting or complaining
- Denial of our situation (lying to ourselves)
- Avoiding or blocking our feelings
- Deflecting focus back on something or someone else
- Over exercising (a form of distraction)
- Seeking stimulation or pleasure (a form of self-medicating)
- The list goes on…
Our time would be much better spent seeking strength to endure our suffering, so we can achieve understanding and insight. If we seek strength to carry on, we will possibly learn and grow from the experience. This is what our life is all about. So why do we always try to run away?
Facing Our Demons, Tenderly
Many people that suffer, often begin to plan major changes to their outer circumstances. However, the items we blame are typically not the problem. We really need to work more on facing and understanding our suffering from within. Only understanding can transform us from the grips of our negative thinking and the suffering caused by our “false self” (our ego).
When we seek immediate relief, we only temporarily remove our pain. More than likely, we will repeat the same situation (and our reactions) over and over again. This continuous negative cycle caused by a lack of understanding not from something external to ourselves.
We need to get to the point in our life that we accept working on ourselves. Try to understand the importance of investing in our connection with life and its power. There is a path to our happiness and peace. That path is through awareness and understanding. Practice nourishing the healthy seeds for what you desire.
This is the path to our true selves. The path to compassion and love. We can learn to transform the negativity that lives inside of us.
The Suffering is Coming from Within
The real issue causing us pain is within ourselves. Our outer world is simply a mirror of how we feel about ourselves.
Our outer circumstances are happening FOR US not TO US.
The awareness and patterns of our mind can be a very tricky thing. You likely will experience conflicting thoughts and feelings. One minute you will feel one way and another minute something completely different. You wont know what is true and what is a story from your mind. Our minds try to protect the broken views of our ego and quickly match previous experiences or patterns.
The mind works this way to make it easy. To expend less energy and to protect us. This is the trickery of the false self (the ego). Little does it know, that we will have to keep repeating our life lessons until we learn from them (if we ever do).
The Practice of Non-duality
Its important that we learn not to reject or battle thoughts or feelings within ourselves. The pain and emotions we are feeling are a part of us. We must gently care for our thoughts and feelings. Do not fight with yourself or try to escape or avoid your emotions. Learn to talk to and care for your uncomfortable feelings tenderly (as if they were a little baby).
The next time you struggle with strong emotions, simply say to yourself:
“Hello Fear. I see you. Its ok… I am here for you. We will be ok. I will take good care of you. It will be ok. There is no reason to react this way, I am here for you”.
Then quietly smile at your fear and begin mindful breathing to help calm your mind and your thought or feeling.
In the case above, the example used fear, but it could be any thought, feeling or emotion you would like to transform and stop reacting to.
Repeating Patterns to Avoid
If we try to avoid, distract or escape, we end up causing ourselves more suffering. Avoidance will cause us to keep repeating our patterns and mistakes. We need to realize that the patterns are coming from within us. These are NOT things happening to us externally. By focusing on the item we do not want, we will actually bring more of it to us. Ah, the paradox of the mirror of life.
Habit Energy is the associated energy with our daily habits. These can be positive, negative or neutral. Our habit energy returns a result back to us.
Over a longer period of time, if we continue repeating our reactions, we begin to become frustrated, even resentful. Which can lead to sarcasm and cynicism. If we look deeply, we find these feelings are closely related to anger and bitterness. These thoughts, words and actions will not nourish us with positive energy and will NOT bring abundance into our life.
By repeating the same negative reaction, we build and strengthen an unhealthy habit energy from our actions. This is exactly what our false self wants. Once a habit, you will begin to react unconsciously, automatically without even thinking about it. This returns a result in our outer world. Circumstances start happening that bring more of this into our life. The opposite of what we want.
Survival Instincts – Organic By Nature
Feelings and emotions are alive just like you and me. Just like the plants around us, the birds and anything else that lives. Negative thoughts and feelings do all they can to survive. They are living “things” that want to remain. As we continue to reinforce unhealthy habit energy, learning, growth and understanding become more difficult.
Recognize right now that the false self (our ego) survives by feeding us stories (lies) and getting us to react to them. The false self really has no real power over us but it wants us to think it does. It is full of hot air, throwing fits, and stomping around like a child throwing a temper tantrum.
What real power does a child throwing a tantrum have? Absolutely none. The child is just using the tantrum to get our attention or our affection. We must care for them and teach them that there are better ways to get “positive” attention.
Build a Daily Practice
When we learn to simply observe and care for our feelings versus reacting, our thoughts and feelings will calm. This takes daily practice. There is no easy path. If you have enough pain you will do it. If you don’t have enough pain, you will likely avoid it. So in this case, pain is a good thing. It will bring you closer to life.
This higher understanding will free you of the bondage and imprisonment of your false self. Negative thoughts are born from:
- Our doubts, worries and fears
- Past experiences
- Our lack of understanding
- Lack of nourishing the good seeds in our mind
- Lack of practicing self-love and self-acceptance
Like all skills, this new direction for your life takes practice and effort. If you want something good, you will have to put in some effort. It wont just come to you. Practice, until you build new positive habits. These new habits will become the “normal” for your life. But now you are in the flow and are working with life (not against it).
New Understanding
Lets commit to work more on the strength to endure and seek better understanding of our emotions and feelings. Work on watering the positive seeds of our true, loving self. Begin to recognize the real, deeper source of our pain and suffering. This comes with a commitment and openness to learning about how life (and our minds) really work.
We might also have to uncover some painful things from our past that are the true source of our negative patterns and unresolved emotions. Don’t be afraid, they are hiding in darkness for a reason.
Lets work together to care for these and transform them into peace and acceptance.
Wishing you peace and love,
Until next time…
– Greg
